Splurge: Saint Laurent’s S$3550 roller skate stilettos are the most confusing heels we’ve ever seen

Here’s a clichéd movie scene to jolt your memory bank: It’s a high school drama, there’s a play about to happen, and the uninitiated freshman about to go on stage gets asked to “break a leg” by a self-dubbed thespian senior. Said freshman gasps, in total shock. The senior rushes to explain that it’s just an expression for good luck. Camaraderie ensues, ha ha ha, and all is well.

yves saint laurent roller skate stilettos
Vroom vroom.

See, if you’re ever walking down the streets in these Saint Laurent roller skate stilettos, and someone yells at you to “break a leg”, that scene should not flash through your mind. You’re not being wished good luck, they’re telling the truth, because the wheelies on your legs could actually break you.

Because a picture speaks a thousand words, just look:

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yves saint laurent roller skate stilettos

Designed by Anthony Vaccarello, who was also responsible for the “YSL” heeled pumps and slouchy glitter boots that took celebrities by storm, these sky-high heels look like a walk away from the hospital.

To be kind, these are like Heelys for the discerning fashionista, with cool Lichtenstein-esque patchwork and metallic leather straight from the ’80s. It’s beautiful to look at, and thankfully, the brand has chosen to model the heels with retro skates for added stability. Perhaps it’s more convenient, and you can trade in your electric unicycle to buy these babies — because S$3,550 is a worthy investment that’ll let you look less like a fool skating your way to the office.

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Well, the last one is a stretch.

yves saint laurent roller skate stilettos
You gotta work your way up, starting with the sneakers, priced at S$2,115.

These roller skate stilettos could well be a fashion-for-fashion’s-sake statement piece, but Saint Laurent has got more high risers to offer. It’s got the less precarious sneaker version, which we assume to be training wheels building up to the bigger picture, and roller skate boots (ankle support, what a relief!).

If you’d like to get a pair, we recommend getting your legs insured first.